She’s in a nursing home now and I’m waiting for her to die. Every few months I get a phone call from them and they always start the same way. “I’m calling about your mother but don’t worry, she’s fine.” Better luck next time, I always think. Usually they just need permission for something like changing her medication or taking her to a doctor. Last year she had a tumor on the side of her face. They called and asked if they should cut it out and give her chemo. Medicaid will pay for it. I said, sure, why not…

I got my first crown one month into the shut-in, shut-down, whatever you call it. The beginning of the time when nothing changed, when the before and after merged. I had been dutifully avoiding contact. No, I wasn’t. The social ramifications of the pandemic were my wet dream.

terrified by the sound of the dentist’s drill agonizing my porcelain afraid of pain

A few days after the introduction of what felt like smoothly polished porcelain I was in love with my new tooth. My tongue could not stop caressing it. I imagined replacing all my teeth.

grind the old tooth…

Why imagine what you fear? Instead, try imagining what you want your life to be. You might surprise yourself…

When I opened my Bikram Yoga studio, I wanted to make it a safe and comfortable space for our clients. In my teacher training with Bikram Choudhury, he modeled a lot of behavior that I was intent on avoiding. Yoga Journal dubbed him the yoga community’s “bad boy,” and he reveled in the notoriety by frequently berating and abusing people in his classes. At the time, I thought it was a schtick, and I still believe it began that way, but the schtick grew into an abusive megalomania.

He loved fat shaming people, especially women. He framed it as truth-telling…

This is part of a series of articles describing the the Bikram Yoga beginning class posture sequence.

Half Tortoise is primarily a relaxation posture. It is said to enhance longevity by slowing the breathing.

Benefits:

• Tones and strengthens muscles of the legs.
• Increases blood flow to the brain.
• Releases tension from shoulders and neck.
• Increases flexibility of shoulder muscles.

Technique

Start in a kneeling position, legs together, hips on the heels, sitting upright. Raise the arms overhead and bring the palms together in prayer position with thumbs crossed. Keep the palms pressed firmly together throughout the posture. Try to keep the hips…

I am seeking collaboration and submissions from male survivors of sexual abuse, sexual assault, or any form of sexual victimization, at any age or time in your life. Any kind of content will be considered: poetry, personal essays, fiction, flash, public interest, even any kind of artwork.

Original content is preferred but it’s fine if it’s been published elsewhere.

Content can be published anonymously, if you prefer. My email is kaos at protonmail dot com, if you want to reach our privately.

I lived a turbulent life, suffering in silence for decades, constantly struggling with depression and anxiety. Breaking my silence and sharing my story had a profound healing effect and I continue to find benefits from writing, creating art, and talking about the effects of my abuse.

Women contributors are also welcome provided the content contains some relevance to male survivors.